Ridley Scott is two for two with misses this year as House of Gucci takes the cake for one of the most boring films of the year.

House of Boredom. House of good G-d, how is this film not over yet?!? I think this is a nice way of summing up my experience with House of Gucci. This is a film where I found myself checking my watch what felt like every half hour or so. But really, it was more like every five to ten minutes. No amount of caffeine could get me through this film. To put it simply, House of Gucci is a film that will not be for everyone regardless of the cast or Ridley Scott. Speaking of the cast, I don’t know what film Jared Leto thinks he is in but it’s not this one. His performance is dreadful. You can now add Italians to the list of people that Jared Leto’s performances have offended. G-d knows he’s already offended the transgender community in Dallas Buyers Club.

Here’s the thing with boring movies. It doesn’t say anything about the quality of the film itself. It just says that this film in particular wasn’t captivating, compelling, or most importantly, entertaining. I couldn’t myself becoming interested in any of the characters. A heir to the Gucci name and fortune cheats on his wife and she hires a hit man?  They’re both terrible people in that regard. Nobody has any redeemable quality and if there’s anyone you feel bad for, it’s Al Pacino’s character. And again, these are real people, almost all of whom are dead. When it comes to this film, you’re basically waiting for something bad to happen. Waiting and waiting and waiting some more. At some point, you’re sitting there waiting for “Directed by Ridley Scott” to pop up on the screen. My G-d, those words couldn’t come soon enough!

The gist of the film is that Patrizia Reggiani (Lady Gaga) marries into the Gucci fashion empire started by Guccio Gucci. Aldo (Al Pacino) and Rodolfo (Jeremy Irons) are running the company. However, Patrizia’s new husband, Maurizio (Adam Driver), isn’t in the best of relationships with his father, Rodolfo, at the time because of wanting to marry her. And then you have Aldo’s son, Paolo (Jared Leto), who doesn’t know which movie he’s supposed to be in. Want to talk about family drama? The marriage just leads to all the drama in the world! Maurizio would rather be a lawyer than go into the family business. After Aldo recruits his nephew into taking on a role in the company, Patrizia stages a coup and forces both Aldo and Paolo out by buying out their shares.

Marriage isn’t what it used to be so Maurizio starts an affair with Paola Franchie (Camille Cottin). Meanwhile, Patrizia turns to a psychic, Pina Auriemma (Salma Hayek), for advice. Eventually, Pina brings in a pair of hit men to kill Maurizio. Like I said, no redeemable characters anywhere in this film except for maybe Aldo. By the time shit starts getting real between everyone in the family, Rodolfo is already dead.

The main thing here is that House of Gucci commits the terrible sin of spanning three decades. What part of focusing on a narrow point in time do filmmakers not understand? They rarely even point out when they’re jumping forward in time. I wouldn’t even know how much time had passed if not for their daughter growing up during the jumps.

DIRECTOR: Ridley Scott
SCREENWRITERS: Becky Johnston and Roberto Bentivegna
CAST: Lady Gaga, Adam Driver, Jared Leto, Jeremy Irons, Jack Huston, with Salma Hayek and Al Pacino

MGM will release House of Gucci in theaters on November 24, 2021.

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